HIRE A COPYWRITER

🧨 Beige Is the Enemy. Let’s Burn It.

 

Why Hire Me?

Because corporate writing is dead.
And beige websites deserve to die with it.

I'm Marcel Romdane — former bush pilot, bureaucratic fugitive, memoirist, and your new worst nightmare if your copy still sounds like it was approved by a committee of sedated koalas.

 

🔥 What I Actually Do

✅ Web Copy That Bleeds Truth
Words that punch, slap, and occasionally seduce. No fluff. No filters. Just raw clarity and bite.

✅ English Rescue for German Sites
If your English reads like a cry for help, I’ll fix it. Especially if you’re exporting cars, knives, or semi-legal gear to America.

✅ Product Descriptions with a Body Count
Because your backpack isn't "versatile" — it survives war zones, bad dates, and tax audits.

✅ Ghostwritten Bios So Good You'll Believe Them Yourself
Your fake story. My real pen. Everyone wins.

✅ Dark Humour Copy for Brands That Don’t Apologize
Warning: may get you banned from HR. And invited to better parties.

 

🐕 TEAM CHAOS INCLUDES:

Drax the Labrador
Co-pilot. Food vacuum. Sock assassin. Morally questionable support animal with a taste for dead rodents and diplomatic incidents.

My Wife
The cleanup crew. Holding her breath again while I launch another sentence-shaped Molotov into polite society.

Kalli
Still shaking his head. Possibly from the afterlife. Definitely from the engine bay. His ghost now haunts bad decisions and leaking carburetors.

A Honey-Dripping Grenade
For bees, not bombs. Though the difference is mostly academic at this point.

A Typewriter That Screams
Not from use. From trauma.

The IRS
Unofficial fan club. Also a warning label.

 

😈 Testimonials (Fictional... or are they?)

“We hired Marcel to rewrite our About page. Now the IRS is scared of us.”
— Unverified Arms Dealer, Texas

“His copy made our website so honest we lost three clients and gained 500 better ones.”
— CEO of Possibly Bankrupt Outdoor Brand

“We laughed. We cried. We hired him again just to see what would happen.”
— Mormon Survivalist Coffee Startup

“This man needs help. Or a Pulitzer.”
— Anonymous Therapist, Probably

 

☠️ Ready to Detonate Mediocrity?

🔥 [HIRE THE CHAOS] 🔥

 

☠️ Scared of Contact Forms?

You’re not alone.
Some people fear spiders. Others fear commitment.
You? You fear contact forms.

If clicking “Submit” feels like applying for a parking permit in Belarus—
here’s your lifeline:

👉 📧 Email us directly: getintouch@romdanetraveltales.com

 

❌ The Bad News:

Don’t expect an instant dopamine-soaked reply.
Marcel might be:

• Flying over the Mara in a half-functional Super Cub
• Wrestling a fuel filter in the Yukon
• Rescuing half-digested rodents from Drax’s jaw
• Or lying at the chiropractor—again—regretting every decision since 1998

 

✅ The Good News:

We will respond.
Eventually.
No ghosting.
No bots.
No “Hi [First Name]!” email from a virtual assistant named Sunshine.

Just raw, human chaos—answered by someone who probably smells like jet fuel and existential dread.

 

 

🏕️ Campfire Syndicate LLC | Wyoming, Earth (for now)
📡 Contact us—before we disappear into the savannah. Or get extradited. Again.

🔥 Hire the Chaos – Before It Writes About You. 🔥